


Because there is something, and there is nothing

by enbyseer



Category: Half Life: But The AI is Self Aware
Genre: Domestic Fluff, M/M, Minor Violence, Not Really Character Death, Smoking, They/them benrey!, Trans Characters, also benrey is assumed dead for awhile so thats why not really characters death is there, he/they for tommy but mainly just using he, theyre all trans, theyre not dead i swear
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:34:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25239316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbyseer/pseuds/enbyseer
Summary: The Science Team is able to live their lives happily after everything happened in Black Mesa, but thoughts of Benrey still plague Tommy and Gordon.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Benrey/Tommy Coolatta, Benrey/Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life), Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 5
Kudos: 59





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> frenreylatta is def planned so that's why it's in the tags but atm it's just freelatta!

Everything was loud and Tommy's head ached along with the rest of his body. His arm was bleeding and he wasn't sure if the warmth coming from his face was blood or tears, or even both. He looked at the cause of all of this, he looked into their eyes. They looked sad, like none of this was suppose to happen. It wasn't, it didn't feel like it was. Tommy's chest hurt as he thought more and more and stared more and more, he wanted this to all be over. The monster was speaking but he couldn't process it, he didn't really want to. This thing was once his friend, and now he was probably going to die by their hands. He closed his eyes, letting it happen.

When he opened them again, he was staring at a blank white ceiling. Tommy still felt the pain he had felt in the dream, or... memory. That was a downside to his dreams, they all felt real. Some of it was good but as of recently, it was like living through hell again. Luckily he had woken up at a decent time, 10 in the morning to be exact. It felt nice to finally sleep throughout the night. Tommy sat up and stretched, letting his bones crack. God it felt good. He stood up, making his way towards the dresser and reaching to get a shirt. He grabbed one, it wasn't his but he knew Gordon wouldn't mind, hell he'd encourage him to wear it. He put it on and made his way downstairs, letting the house settle with each step. Once he reached the bottom he was greeted by Joshua, bouncing at his leg. "Tommy!!" He chanted, and Tommy smiled in response.  
"Mornin', Joshie.. Where's your papa?"   
It took less than a millisecond for Joshua to rush towards the kitchen and for Tommy to close, making sure he didn't hurt himself. He knew he wouldn't but that anxiety was still there.  
"Hey, morning Tommy!!" Gordon spoke, not looking at him. He didn't mind, especially once he realised he was making breakfast.   
"You're not going to burn it this time, are you?" He teased which got a laugh out of his lover. It made him smile even more.  
"I haven't burnt anything in months, you know this!" Tommy laughed in response. He made his way over to Gordon, wrapping his arms around him and giving him a kiss on his head. This was nice. Both of them couldnt've asked for more.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been forever since Gordon had thought about Black Mesa and the hell they went through. Well, he still thought about it. But it had been awhile since he had thought about Benrey again. They had killed them, right? That's what they all guessed. They didn't speak of them, not often at least. Tommy would talk about them when he thought about them, and Bubby would mention them every so often. Coomer, didn't mention them at all since their assumed death. It's not that he didn't care, but that he didn't have anything to say about them. Coomer had told Gordon that he doesn't even know how they're all living like this, but they both didn't mind. They were happy, right? Gordon and Tommy were going good, and Coomer and Bubby were married now. They were happy. But not having Benrey felt weird.  
Gordon sighed as he removed the cigarette from his mouth, looking at the New Mexico town he now lived in. It was a nice change from Black Mesa, they could all agree on that. He let the sound of cars and bars flood his ears as he let his thoughts go wild.  
He thought about several things but everything went back to Benrey, why is he missing them so much? His thought was cut off by Tommy's voice. "Gordon, you should sleep.." he mumbled, obviously just waking up.   
"I will soon, hun. Don't worry. I'm just, thinking."  
"....May I join you?"  
Gordon nodded, scooting over to have Tommy by his side. Which he was in no time. He looked at Gordon's hand, motioning towards his cigarette. "What? You want one?" Tommy nodded. "Didn't know you smoked."  
"Don't do it often, and I usually do it when you're sleeping." Tommy let out a small laugh, taking a cigarette for himself.   
"That's fair." He chuckled too but soon motioned for his boyfriend to lean down. Luckily he did and Gordon was able to light his smoke for him.   
"What are you thinkin' about?" He asked, which caused Gordon to blush a little, obviously embarrassed.   
"I know it's dumb but. I can't stop thinking about Benrey. I know they're dead-"  
"We think they're dead." Tommy corrected him.  
"We think they're dead. But, it's almost like they're trying to communicate to us through my fuckin' head." His arms shot up and shook when he said 'head'.  
"It's not dumb... I know exactly what you're talking about." Tommy spoke, leaning over the rail of the balcony and taking another drag. "I've been thinking about the fight, and that weird place.. I swear something is happening, I never dream about it anymore. But that's all I've been able to remember." He paused and looked at the ground below them. He needed to word this well. "There's been new things that, haven't happened appearing in my head. I keep imagining them at our door. And, them in our bed. And. It's dumb."   
Gordon placed a hand on his back for reassurance. "I promise it's not dumb, babe. I know you loved them, I did too. And if they weren't wherever they are, I promise they'd be sleeping with us." He chuckled again, flicking his cigarette to the ground. "Josh would have 3 parents, and that would be fun to explain." Tommy smiled, knowing Gordon was right. He let his hand be grabbed by the other and stood there in silence. That's all they needed to talk about for now, and that's okay. They have each other, and they'll figure all this wild shit out together.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> benrey time folks!!!!

There was nothing. Well, it felt like nothing, especially to the only thing that filled this nothing. It felt like Benrey had been in this void forever when it had really only been a few months at most. They were bored, but that was usual, all they had was them and whatever was going on inside their brain. Luckily they had watched enough movies enough times to memorize them, but they didn't know how many more times they could watch Shrek or Mamma Mia. They let out a sigh, letting a little bit of sweet voice out. They didn't pay attention to the colors, there was no one there to even care about them. They watched as the bubbles floated up and popped, letting out smoke once they did. Hm, this will do for entertainment for now. They couldn't wait for Tommy to fall asleep, they wanted to talk to him. They knew that Tommy thought it was all dreams, that's probably why they talked to him to much. They missed him, they really did. They were happy for him and Gordon, they seemed incredibly happy together from what he was able to get out of him. It hurt them a little, yes, but they weren't going to try to ruin their relationship. Yes they're a 'monster', but they're not a Monster.  
Benrey let their mind trail away from Gordon and Tommy and thought about Bubby and Coomer, they weren't sure what they were up to. They knew they ended up getting married. Whadda hell, gay grandpas was the only thought they had about it other than being happy for them as well. They missed them too, they really did. They missed being with people all the time, having company, talking to people, living life with others. Hm. What life did they have? They were dead, right? Kind of. Benrey knew that they could get out of this void, but was it worth it? Did they want them back? They weren't sure. They would ask Tommy, but that's a weird thing to say to someone who thinks they're dreaming, right? Right. Yeah, it was weird.  
God this was frustrating, they wanted out. They wanted out so fucking bad, and they'd do anything to get out. Fuck it, they'd ask him. They'd ask if they all miss them, they'd make sure it wouldn't be weird too. Benrey didn't have to worry about weirding out Tommy, he'd understand. They had that connection. Bubby was probably fine too, they doubted that he would care too much. But, Gordon and Coomer... They were, complicated. Coomer never cared too much for Benrey, at least that's what they thought. And Gordon, well, everyone knows. Gordon had tried to kill them several times and vise versa. So, why did they love him so much? Did he feel the same? Probably not.  
Benrey shook their head to clear their thoughts, not wanting to think about their old friends.  
'C'mon Benrey, you're missing your nightly Mamma Mia' was the last thing they thought before zoning out and watching the movie in their head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> benrey is an abba stan you cannot tell me other wise. they share that with tommy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wrote this quickly and as kinda filler chapter while still adding to the main story! if its poorly written that makes sense I wrote this at like 5 in the morning

It had been a few weeks since Tommy had thought about Benrey. Which was weird, it was almost nightly and then suddenly it stopped. No dreams, no thoughts, nothing. Maybe it was good, right? He needed to focus on his life, not someone's who's presumed to be dead. He needed to focus on Gordon, he needed to focus on Joshua, he needed to focus on Sunkist. He needed to focus on his family. ....Family. That was weird to say, even though it was true. He and Gordon were engaged now, they were turning into an offical family. It was weird to him, to have something that you've never had so suddenly. His dad was literally never there, he didn't even know he existed for years. He was just a boy and his dog. Now? He was a soon-to-be husband, a step-father, and... still a boy and his dog. Tommy shook his head as he sat up in his bed, making sure not to wake up his partner. Why was he thinking so much tonight? This fucking sucked!!! Life was weird, but he was happy...   
Fuck it, he needed reassurance. Tommy placed his hand onto Gordon's arm and shook him a little. "Babe... Baby..." He whispered has he gently shook him. Luckily, Gordon woke up quickly.  
"Whu-wha? Hmm.. What's up?" He mumbled sleepily.  
"Thoughts. Lots of em." He was direct but still vague, but they both knew what he was saying.  
"C'mere..." Gordon spoke has he stretched his arms out and made grabby hands. "We can talk bout em while I cuddle the hell out of you."  
"Deal."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating for awhile!! writers block got me bad

**Author's Note:**

> hopefully this will become a sorta long fic!! I have lots of ideas for this and I cannot wait to write it flsjfjf and hopefully there will be frequent updates !


End file.
